AP2 Poster

It’s been a while since I’ve watched Christian Bale go on a crazy rant about Huey Lewis and brutally murder a bunch of people. Thankfully, I didn’t need to know about any of that to enjoy the sequel. What I did need to enjoy AP2 was some mood enhancing drugs, but sadly I’m all out.

The movie starts out with a ham-fisted connection to Patrick Bateman, as a young girl is taken along on a date with the serial killer by her babysitter. She then kills him. Fast forward and that girl grows up to become the beautiful, jaded Mila Kunis who prowls around the campus of some college.

Mila

(She’s hot, but not hot enough to distract you from how terrible this movie is)

Her lone goal is to get in the FBI, the path to which runs directly through her professor – TekWar’s very own, Bill Shatner. It seems that many obstacles are in her way and throughout the next hour of the film, she proceeds to kill anyone and everyone in her way. I’m not going to detail these killings, because many of them happen off screen – Plus, nobody in the film seems concerned about the rapidly increasing cases of missing  persons – including the hapless local police. People just keep lining up in front of the crafty black widow, like so many mindless tackling dummies, and Mila disposes of them with laughable ease.

As her killing spree continues, she taunts her therapist who is wise enough to recognize she is dangerous but not smart or motivated enough to do anything about it until it’s far too late. She leads him and the local super troopers on a brief chase in a car loaded with bodies and then drives off a cliff in an awful CGI blaze of glory.

The pompous therapist manages to score a sweet book deal, but Mila – disguised as a nerd – pops in and lets him know that she is still out there lurking in the world. As an FBI agent in training. Cool!

mila in disgiunse

(That’s Mila incognito!)

This movie sucked. That being said, I like Mila Kunis, she’s hot – but the stupid premise and weak character really didn’t do anything to help her performance. Shat-Attack is goofy and dumb, but he’s just lurking around to pick up a check. There’s a uni-brow waiter who gets a TON of face time in 2 different scenes for no particular reason (he’s got to be somebody’s brother-in-law or something).

unibrow

(seriously dude, get out of the shot. You don’t want this on your demo reel.)

The music is absolutely horrid. The emo rock needle drop cues and the droll score are irritating beyond repair. In fact, there’s a moment during the car chase where Mila cranks up the car’s stereo – which in turn brings up the volume of the awful, awful soundtrack. Ugh, if you can’t afford good music just don’t even bother.

3 out of 3 Cinnamon Bears. She doesn’t even use a sickle as pictured in the poster. It’s all choke outs and needle stabs (I assume, because the bulk of the kills happen off screen). Worst of all? No naked Kunis.